R E A S O N S
I have gotten such little time to do things such as drawing and talking to others.
Well, my laptop is often being hogged xD not that I mind, but lets just say I've been getting very distracted from the internet. From drawing and chatting with others. I'm sorry dudes. I'll try to be on more often though, okay?
BUT, the main reason is because i FOUND A NEW J O B
Yup! Thank GOD
about a month ago now, I moved in with my mom and her boyfriend.
My dads house was too stressful OTL TOO MUCH.
So been looking for jobs.
I saw a -Dog Kennel- hiring so i'm all
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I got hired right away.
Yesterday was my second day on the job.
I fcking HATE IT ALREADY. <3
ya'll gots not idea what this job is like. So much dirty work. Coaxing dogs in its stall and then having them nearly bite you. Taking care of dogs all at once and cleaning up after tons of them. The aroma wherever you go is so bothersome. The boss having so much expectations in you, and then feeling worthless because you -just can't- live up to his expectations.
It's not easy. There is so much to do
and its such disgusting work
touching disgusting things
Yesterday when I was there, it hit me. That i'm probably not going to be at this job for long. And it's probably because sooner or later i'm going to give it up.
The thing is
I hate quitting. I'm -not- a quitter. How can i -not- feel bad about myself?
I mean LOOK
THERE'S A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO LASTED 7 MONTHS AND STILL GOING. I'M FRIGGEN 19 AND ALREADY COMPLAINING ON THE SECOND DAY; WHEN THE WORK I WAS DOING IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE WORK SHE DOES. - __-
But, there's too different things about her and I
she's bigger than me
but most of all, she has a passion for -DOGS-.
am not that much of a dog person. I'm all about the cats.
i have a passion for all animals in general. SURE I prefer some animals than some others. Example.... I prefer cats over dogs > _> always. If i have dogs i could only put up with 2 or 3.
but cats? HA. When I was 11-12 years old i had 13 cats in one house. And I didn't mind it at all. They're -so- easy to take care of. But having to be delicate with all these dogs are overwhelming- since they have their own owners. In this job you need to:
-do everything at a FAST pace
-go beyond expectation
-clean until its spotless, and do it quick
-be dominant <--- definitely not my strong suit...wellitdepends XD
maybe i'm making it sound easy. But believe me its not. Personally, I get emotionally triggered when I'm intimidated/overwhelmed. And there's a whole lot of that for me at this job. I don't even like working with others.
I am not fond of most of them.
-sadly- there's mostly all girls there and they all run the show. Yesterday there was this one girl i had to take orders from since the boss wasn't around. I just kept trying to tell myself
"I bet the boss guy told her to be rough with me because i'm new"
"oh she's just trying to be a good director with me"
trying to find excuses for her
still yet, she'd give me a fricking attitude and answer me back as if i'm stupid. as -if- i've been working there for months and knew what i was doing or saying. No, I'm new, I don't know anything. No need for a sassy attitude. Believe me i was close to looking her in the eye and telling her to drop the attitude.
...Ironically she decided to be cool all of a sudden at the end of the day, where i ended up venting to her about how i feel about this job, everything i thought about that day, and basically EVERYTHING I'm saying in this journal.
She actually made me feel more calm about it. But of course i'm still wondering what i should do. trying to split up the reasons to stay and the reasons to go.
Reasons to go:
Reasons to stay:
- It gets to me emotionally in many ways. Too much stress.
- I can't live up to the expectations the boss wants me to live up to.
- Not strong or healthy enough to do constant heavy work like that.
- There are a lot of things they expect me to do -by myself-, and i just can't handle it.
- in general, it depresses me and sends me home being extremely tired and cranky.
- Because leaving will make me feel like a worthless quitter who doesn't know how to do anything, who can't do anything right and or whines over such little work. Mainly leaving with a low self esteem.
- The boss is a good guy, i'd feel bad leaving when i know he needs workers.
- On days off he said i can come by so he can teach me how to groom a dog. I'd love to gain that experience in case i apply to a pet store; like petco or petsmart.
- I'd like to say that I worked at such a tough job.
So there you have it. I still don't know what I should do.
I feel like this place takes and emotional tole on me. This place is mainly for dog people and emotionally stable people. But staying longer would be good experience. W I N T E R S O L D I E R
just wanted to say that i loved that movie OTL it was great. It gave me so much feels. I get tons of feels when it comes to friendship stuff.
can i just say
is just so hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. |DDDDD